How to Build Rapport (Social Mastery Part I)

Andrew Bustamante | March 22, 2021

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Greetings Everyday Spy,

I love meeting new people. And if I want to meet people, I have to know how to build rapport.

I believe that people are the most interesting part of our world.

I am interested in diverse backgrounds, enjoy cultural differences, and welcome opposing opinions.

I know that not everyone enjoys people as much as I do. But whether we like it or not, we are surrounded by people all the time.

On a remote island in the Bay of Bengal, off the southern coast of India, is the most remote known indigenous tribe in the world – The Sentinelese.

Known for their hostile aggression against outsiders, this tribe is estimated to have less than 200 total people. Scientists, researches, and even other indigenous tribes have been chased away from North Sentinel Island by rudimentary Sentineli arrows and spears. This tribe is estimated to have survived the last 60,000 years without fire, medicine, or outside intervention.

1,900 miles east of the Sentinelese is the single densest human population in the world – the city of Manila.

The seat of government for The Philippines, this capital city has more 80,000 residence per square mile. Despite overwhelming throngs of people and the constant strain on public resources, Manila is known for its friendly culture and appreciation of family, friends, and diversity.

Whether you relate to the lone Sentineli hunter or the fashionable Manila socialite, it is clear that people are a part of our everyday environment.

If you want to master your environment, you have to master social skills.

Rapport is the single most important social skill, but not many people understand how to build rapport. Often mistaken for small talk, rapport is much more meaningful than common banter about the weather or nearby restaurants.

Rapport is the feeling you get when:

        Someone shares your interests and passions

        Someone understands your fears and concerns

        Someone appreciates your talent and expertise

Rapport is social connection – and the first step to social mastery.

Rapport comes easily when people have a lot in common and slow when they don’t. It is the chemistry that makes some dates good and others not so good. It is the driving force behind teamwork and rivalry. But most important of all…

Rapport is a skill that can be learned.

There is a process that spies use to start, grow, and maintain rapport. Rapport does not happen overnight. But like any process, there are simple repeatable steps that yield consistent success.

The first step to build rapport is called, ‘Giving to Get.’

‘Giving to get’ is exactly what it sounds like. It is the act of giving something first in order to get something in return.

Giving praise in order to get friendship.

Giving support in order to get trust.

Giving time and attention in order to get love and affection.

It is genuine, authentic, and real. And it is incredibly powerful.

You and I are beginning a unique relationship that is going to change our lives.

But right now we have to build rapport. I am a few words on a screen. You are a diligent reader in a far off place. Despite the challenges, however, even we can build rapport together. To realize our common goals, we must!

So let me show you exactly how ‘giving to get’ works in everyday life – yours, and mine.

There are things that I’ve seen and done in my past that I can never share.

But there is knowledge I’ve gained that I CAN and WANT to share. Let me build rapport with you by first giving you a piece of my knowledge.

I’ve built hours of high-value, free content you can get from my website, YouTube Channel, or on dozens of hard-hitting interviews I’ve done on TV and in podcasts.

All you have to do is search for ‘Andrew Bustamante’ on your favorite browser. Check it out; let me confirm something you wonder; debunk a myth you suspect; give context to something you’ve studied; or even just share my personal thoughts on something you care about.

I’m not here to hold anything back. You explore, I’ll give my knowledge freely, and we will build rapport together.

I fear no Sentineli arrow and look forward to sharing my life like a Manila native.

Godspeed, #EverydaySpy

Author: Andrew Bustamante, Founder of EverydaySpy.com. Andrew is a former covert CIA Intelligence officer, decorated US Air Force Combat Veteran, and respected Fortune 500 senior advisor. Learn more from Andrew on his Podcast (The Everyday Espionage Podcast) and by following @EverydaySpy on your favorite social media platform.

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